During Pride Month, we celebrate the diversity, resilience and joy of the LGBTQIA+ community while continuing to learn from the many identities and experiences that shape it. This includes people across the asexual, also known as Ace spectrum, whose stories are often less visible in mainstream conversations. In that spirit, Blue Yonder’s BYourself LGBTQIA+ Business Impact Group is sharing this reflection to help foster greater awareness, representation and belonging for ace associates and allies alike.
There are many identities under the ace umbrella, including aromantic and asexual identities. People who are aromantic experience little or no romantic attraction to others, while people who are asexual experience little or no sexual attraction to others. Ace people can still feel attraction and be in romantic relationships, and some people identify as both asexual and aromantic, or aroace. Being asexual is not the same as being celibate; a person can be celibate without identifying as ace, and many ace people are not celibate. As with most identities, asexuality exists on a broad spectrum. Some people may experience no sexual attraction, some may experience it rarely, and some may experience it only in relation to a strong emotional bond. This is sometimes defined as demisexual, which also falls under the asexual umbrella. Ultimately, who we are attracted to, how we experience attraction and the level of intimacy we desire varies from person to person. A person can also experience same-sex attraction as an asexual person, adding to the layers of the ace experience.
Statistically, about 1 percent of the world’s population identifies as being somewhere on the asexual spectrum. That might not sound like a lot, but it represents roughly 80 million people—about the population of a large European country. Census data for younger demographics, where awareness of LGBTQIA+ topics is generally higher, shows numbers as high as 4 percent. That suggests the actual number may be higher, but some people may lack awareness or language to describe their experience.
Expectations about sex, and the stigma surrounding it, can differ widely depending on culture, gender identity, age, social background, location and many other factors. Generally speaking, society often expects people to experience sexual desire to some degree.
In Western mainstream media, there is often at least one romance subplot between lead characters. When relationships are portrayed, there is usually an assumption that physical intimacy is the ultimate goal of the relationship—a definitive and universal sign of commitment.
As media has matured to better reflect diverse experiences, asexuality still does not have the same level of representation. In fact, this author is struggling to think of more than one example of an openly and unambiguously asexual character in a mainstream show or movie. Because of this lack of representation, stigma around this sexual identity is likely to continue until it becomes more visible in the cultural zeitgeist, giving more people the opportunity to research, recognize and understand it. As many people across the LGBTQIA+ spectrum know, being different in any way isn’t easy. Many people compare themselves with others and with what they see portrayed as “normal” in everyday life and mainstream media. It’s easy to think something might be wrong with us, especially if everyone around us seems happy and confident while we feel alone in our identity and sexuality struggles. It’s easy to feel alone—or question yourself—and it can feel even worse if you are also being questioned by others.
Being ace isn’t a medical condition. It’s also not about finding the right person. It’s not a lifestyle, a phase or a choice. Being ace is who we are—and it is just as valid and normal as any other orientation or identity.
It’s important that people know we exist and that we have representation in mainstream culture, media and discussion because we deserve to feel welcome and comfortable in our own skin.
To all aces out there: You are awesome as you are. And to everyone, thank you for reading.
Source: GLAAD, “Accelerating Acceptance 2017”